Friday, February 04, 2005

batchelorhood
I knew it was time to clean my fridge when, while trying to get a couple of icecubes out of the top compartment this Monday, I managed to break off the whole of the plastic flap due to a fight it had with the small iceberg that had frozen itself solid between three tubs of icecream. I've been putting off doing anything about my personal antarctic since I moved in, which was over two years ago. Tuesday night I stayed in especially to sort the bugger out.

My plan of attack was to empty the contents first. Out went one soggy carrot and two browning mushrooms, a tub of Very Lazy Garlic, and four plastic tubes of jam stolen from a hotel breakfast. I reckoned the Colmans Mustard and the Branston Pickle could survive a few days in the cupboard, and the jars of green and red Thai Curry Paste always smell so rancid I was sure only the most psychotic of microbes would want to spend any time in there scavenging chilli and fish paste for an existence. The two different cheeses and the three boxes of cheese aperos cubes needed to stay cold so I stuck them out on the window sill, three floors above the passing traffic. The ice-cream had to stay seeing as it was well and truly wedged in with the ice drooping down on the sides of the boxes.

The next step in the cleaning process was easy. Turn off the fridge and wait.

It was Wednesday evening when I came back home from work that I began to wonder whether I should have put something on the floor around the fridge, like a towel. A puddle stretched from the fridge to the door and back again, covering the tiles and dragging little bits of fluff and pizza cheese out of hidden crevices. I dumped a couple of tea towels down to soak up what they could, and decided to drag the icecream tubs out since they were leaking their melted contents across the surfaces of the vegetable compartment. Of course, as soon as I touched the Ben & Jerry's, the whole lot fell out in a big yellow dollop all over the floor.

At this point I was in a bit of a rush to get to my Japanese class so I just mopped up the stickiness with the teatowels and ran out the door leaving the mess behind me. I was in a rush on Thursday night too when I came home with some ham and half a baguette to have a nice jambon et chevre sandwich. The floor hadn't got any worse this time even though the ice had all melted. Those towels were doing their job mopping up the leaks as I stepped over them and cut the cheese and ham and stuffed it sideways into the crusty demi-baguette. After taking a bite of the sandwich, I looked at the ham and cheese that was left over and thought that there was no way it was going to last until I finished cleaning the fridge, so there was only one thing for it. I turned it back on and put the cheese and ham inside.

Of course, when I got home tonight the inside of the fridge was just a big a mess as yesterday, with the added bonus that the drip tray now held a bulging centimetre thick sheet of ice instead of the previous puddle. Actually that has worked out pretty well 'cos now I've just dumped it in the shower to melt away, saving me the hassle of mopping up another mess.

Anyway, Friday night after work hardly seems to be the right time to deal with the mess so I'm off out to eat at a restaurant with a mate. The chores can wait until tomorrow, after I've slept off my hangover. Bon appetit!

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